17 September 2012 Mon.
Did not sleep well last night, and that bottled me up a little. Needs to make ways to be relaxed.
Today’s first lecture was “Quantitative Foundation,” the new module. As I’m not good at statistical analysis, this is a good chance to overcome my weakness. In fact my speed of calculating is not so fast, so I need to make preparation well before the class starts so as not to be upset (whenever I become upset, my performance will be quite poor).
The second lecture today was “Qualitative Foundation.” Although I don’t have a research background, the way of thinking the course shows sounds quite similar to the style of my last job in local community in Ishinomaki, Japan, such as being based on contexts, and having in-depth interviews with a small group. Qualitative approach is sometimes very effective to find a critical question itself (of course both qualitative and quantitative approaches must complement each other). Also, the professor on this course is very powerful and passionate. Hope this course will be exciting and fruitful one for me…
I feel a headache and spasm of my nerve on my forehead. That may be caused by my tension and anxiety. I know my tendency to easily go up and down. I need to make myself relaxed (writing down diary can be one of effective ways), this is my, not others, own duty.
During the free time after the second class, I went several places to clear up my worry. First, I asked one friend about an unfamiliar question in a biology assignment, second sent a e-mail to request to fix my bath duct, then went to the housing office to talk overt my money order problem (tomorrow I have to go to a bank to ask if I can make my order into money, and then if possible I have to go back to the office and have another discussion with them…), shot a flu vaccine at the student health service center, sent another e-mail to the mobile provider asking again about my SIM card problem, went to the ID office and finally asked a question about payment of tuition and insurance fee at the financial service office…. It was busy, but I could make my mind a little more moderate than before. Although there are still some unsolved problems, but I don’t need to be too nervous. Only I can do and i have to do is tell my situation clearly and logically to appropriate office or persons.
Before the evening class, I met with a Japanese person, same as old as me, at a cafe near the campus. He is a businessman in Japan and traveling U.S. for a while. The day before yesterday he sent me a direct message through Twitter and asked me to talk about studying abroad. He’s also thinking about apply foreign graduate schools within a few years. Thanks to his several questions and conversation with him, I looked back again my past life and thoughts on which I am based on today. No one knows about the future, or even tomorrow but still we live today by ourselves, and today is linked to tomorrow.
Today’s final class was a writing training course(elective class). Deliver a message to others directly and clearly is not easy. But one of the keys is writing simply as much as possible.
Every single day, my hearts swings between both sides, but it’s natural for human beings. Life goes on as normal.
2012年9月17日(月)
あまりよく寝られず、懸案事項も積み重なっていたため、朝からあまり気が晴れない。軽い頭痛と、額上部の痙攣を覚える。午前の授業もあまり心が落ち着かなかった。今日から始まった授業は、どちらも自分にとって有意義かつ面白いものとなりそうだけど(教授もパワフルで、魅力的な人だ)。
感情や体調が波打ちやすいのはいつものことと知っているし、それをどう手なづけるかも自分の仕事だ。状況を客観視するためにも、こまめに書き留めることはやはり必要かつ有効なようだ。授業と予習の分量とのバランスが難しいが、どちらか一方に完全に振れてしまっても結局うまくやっていけない。「後で、後で」とならず、その日の隙間時間に何でも書き留めていくことだな。
一番の懸念だった、日本郵便発行の為替について、Housing Officeに相談した。やはり日本の為替で受け取ることは出来ないらしく、ひとまず明日銀行に行って、換金出来ないか相談して欲しいとのこと。しかし、”U.S.” money orderで払えとは通知書に明記されていなかったし、部屋の決定通知が日本に届いてから為替の郵送期限までほとんど日がなかったこと、日本国内では日本の為替を発行する以外に自分に方法がなかったことなど、事情は話しておいた。もしこれが銀行で換金出来ない場合も、自分に責任は無い旨を強調したところ、ダメだった場合、ディレクターともう一度相談しましょうということになった。全てがうまくいくわけではないだろうが、落ち着いて自分と相手の関係や責任を整理し、理を以って明確に主張することがこちらでの交渉を進めるコツなのだろうと思う。喧嘩腰になる必要はないが、簡単に折れたり泣き寝入りするべきでもない。日本での生活と違うのだとしっかり割り切り、ギアを変えるべきだろう。
その他、こまごました懸念事項・不明事項を一つ一つ確認、解決していくうちに、段々気持ちも前向きになってきた。焦ってもしかたないな。出来ることを丁寧にやっていかないと…
Twitter経由で連絡をくれた日本人と会う。これが初対面だが、学生の頃からtweetやブログをチェックしてくれていたらしい。日本で働いているが、留学を考えていて、ちょうどいまアメリカ旅行中なのだとか。聞かれるままに、これまでのことや、興味関心の話をする。いつだって、他人と(とりわけ日本人同士)話をする時は、少し先の未来に目が行って、気持ちも前に向かっていくのだけど、授業についていくのに精一杯の自分の現状とのギャップは、いつも滑稽に感じる。まぁ、人生、いつでもそんなものだろうけど。きっといつまで経っても埋まらない、そのギャップを埋めるために、現状を未来に向かって引っ張り上げようともがくのだろうな。
ともあれ、なんだか少し心が晴れた一日。がんばろう。まだまだこれから。